‘Would anyone find out?’ I asked myself. ‘What would people think of me if they did?’ I could feel the growing dampness under my armpits as the panic took hold.
‘Liz? So, what do you think?’ Jim asked.
I looked up with a start. My colleagues sitting around the boardroom table were all looking at me expectantly. I had no idea what I was supposed to be thinking about. A blush crept up my cheeks. ‘I’m sorry,’ I stammered. ‘I was miles away. What did you ask?’
Jim had only promoted me two weeks ago and, according to his assistant, in the face of strong opposition. This was hardly likely to earn me brownie points. Jim looked at me coldly.
‘Perhaps we should dispense with Ms Macpherson’s opinion on this matter,’ Jim turned to smile at the others. ‘She must have more pressing things on her mind.’ Turning back to me, he added, ‘why don’t you go and arrange for more coffee and some sandwiches, then take your own lunch break. The rest of us are likely to be here for a while yet.’
My first chance to shine. And I had already blown it. I kicked myself mentally as I slipped, embarrassed, out of the room. How had I let things get so out of hand? It had all started three days earlier when I bumped into an old friend from university outside Central Station.
‘Liz? Is that you? It’s me, Elaine. From uni.’
‘Elaine! What a stroke of luck! I never thought I’d see you again.’ I threw my arms around her and Elaine hugged me back. We had been the best of friends for four years before going our own separate ways. ‘What are you doing here? Do you have time for a coffee? Or something stronger?’
Elaine checked her watch. ‘Why not? I’m in town on business but I’ve no other plans for the evening. It would be lovely to catch up after all these years.’
‘There’s a quiet pub just round the corner,’ I suggested.
‘Well, come on then,’ Elaine replied with a smile, slipping her arm through mine. ‘Lead on, Macphee.’ We both laughed at the old nickname.
I ordered Highballs for old times’ sake and took them back to the corner Elaine had settled in. She took a long sip.
‘It’s been years since I had one of these. Do you remember our nights out on the town? We always drank these.’
‘I know. We did have some wild times, didn’t we?’ We giggled together then fell into a slightly awkward silence.
‘So, what are you up to these days?’ asked Elaine, breaking the ice.
‘Well, I’ve just been promoted to Senior Manager,’ I answered proudly. I wasn’t sure I wanted to go into detail about what I’d had to do to get that long-awaited promotion. Jim was certainly a considerate man, but he was also a married one and my boss.
‘Well done, you.’ Elaine held her glass up to toast me. ‘And what are you senior manager of?’
‘It’s a marketing company. I’ve just taken over one of our big client accounts. They’re
about to start a new national campaign and I’ve to oversee the whole thing. What about you? You said you were up here on business. That sounds important.’
‘I’ve got my own company actually. Not that big but it’s nice to be my own boss. I’m in the same line of work as you, in fact.’
‘What’s the company? Maybe I’ve heard of you,’ I asked, taking a sip from my glass.
Elaine told me and I choked on my drink. ‘Not that big! You must be joking,’ I spluttered. ‘You just won that massive American contract that we were bidding for. Not to mention all your other major wins, even against the big names.’ No doubt, I was impressed. But it made my own news seem pathetic in comparison. ‘Here’s to you and your amazing career!’ I toasted Elaine with my own glass and knocked the rest of it back. Perhaps it would remove the slightly bitter taste at the back of my throat.
Elaine downed her drink too and smiled at me happily. ‘Thanks, Liz. It’s been hard work, but it’s certainly working out for me. Another one?’ She picked up both glasses from the table and set off for the bar, without waiting for a reply.
I lay back on the sofa, a little glumly. In my dreams, if I had ever imagined bumping into old friends, I had always pictured myself surprising them with my achievements. And now, I felt as belittled and insignificant as I had always done around my more outgoing and confident friends.
‘Penny for them?’ Elaine asked cheerily as she sat back down with our refills.
She was still as beautiful as ever, I thought to myself, and hardly looked a day older than when I had last seen her. ‘I was just thinking how strange it is that we both ended up in marketing.’
‘Yes, quite a coincidence, isn’t it?’
‘Well, it was always what I planned to do. But I don’t remember it being one of your ambitions. Didn’t you get a job in one of those big financial institutions to start with?’
‘I didn’t like it much. Too cutthroat for me. Then an opportunity came up and I jumped at it. I guess your choice was the best one all along. Are you still living here in Glasgow?’
‘I’ve just bought my own flat in the West End, actually. I rented for years. Just couldn’t take the plunge, somehow. And you? Still living down south?’
‘Oh, I invested ages ago. An old manor house just outside London. It’s taken years to restore but it’s beautiful now. Lots of land, lovely gardens. Heaven on earth.’ Elaine laughed. I tried to smile back, but it felt more like a grimace. Was this deliberate one-upmanship on her part or was I just being paranoid?
‘Another?’ I asked, emptying my glass again.
‘Why not? I’m so happy to see you, it’s worth celebrating.’
While waiting for our drinks at the bar, I reasoned with myself. I was just being silly. Elaine had always been good at everything. And I had been so proud to be her best friend, sharing her success and popularity by association. I hadn’t seen her for so many years, I should just enjoy the moment. On that positive note, I paid for the round and returned to our seats.
‘Do you remember that time we all went up to Aberdeen for the weekend and went for that cold midnight swim in the sea? We must have been mad.’
‘I thought my nipples would freeze off.’
We laughed at that and set off down memory lane exchanging stories of our times together. An hour and another couple of rounds later, we were giggling together like old friends reunited.
‘What’s the time?’ Elaine asked, checking her watch. ‘It’s getting late and I’m starving. Let’s get something to eat. My treat,’ she added smiling cheekily. ‘One of the many perks of being the boss is that I can sign off my own expenses.’
‘Yes, I’d love to. Who knows when we’ll see each other again? Let’s make the most of it while we can. There’s a nice little Italian place, not too crowded and not far to walk from here.’ We left the pub and set off down the street in companionable silence.
The restaurant was quiet and we chose a round table by the window. A waiter handed us menus and enquired about a pre-dinner drink. I was feeling a little tipsy after all the cocktails but Elaine was in fine form and decided to splash out on a bottle of champagne. The real thing, too, not the cheaper Prosecco that I usually went for. But then, I supposed, she wasn’t on such a tight budget as I was. I felt a small prick of jealousy at the thought.
‘Any holiday plans?’ Elaine asked once our champagne was served and our food ordered.
‘Nothing special this summer. I can’t really take too much time off work at the moment.’ Not to mention the lack of money. Buying and furnishing my new flat had pretty much cleaned me out. But for some reason, I didn’t want to admit that to Elaine. ‘I’ll probably just arrange a weekend break somewhere and maybe plan something sunny for the winter. You?’
‘We’re going to Florida for a couple of weeks, then New York for a few days. The s
hopping there is fantastic so I try to manage at least a short trip every year.’
She just didn’t seem to realise how posh she sounded. I took a long swig of champagne, enjoying the luxury of a really good bottle.
‘Shall we order some wine for the main course? I’m a real fan of French wines, but I don’t know Italian wines so well.’
‘I usually get their house red here. It’s not bad and doesn’t cost a fortune,’ I replied beckoning a waiter over.
‘I’m sure we can do better than that. What’s your best red?’ Elaine asked. The waiter showed her the wine list and made his recommendation. It was, of course, the most expensive but she ordered it without hesitation.
Maybe we should have called it a night at the pub, I thought. I was finding it more and more of a strain. I drained my glass and it was immediately refilled. The champagne bottle was empty and the red wine took its place. Our food arrived and I was glad to have something to focus on. We didn’t talk much while we ate but the wine continued to flow. I seemed to be drinking more than Elaine but I didn’t care anymore. My early morning meeting would be a struggle but I’d manage somehow.
‘I’m just off for a pee,’ I said, getting up. I stumbled slightly but straightened up quickly and set off for some quiet alone time. The evening was almost over and I wanted to end the chance meeting on a good note. My own bitterness was really my problem, not Elaine’s. It wasn’t her fault that I was jealous of her success. Success that, to give her her due, she had probably worked hard for and surely deserved as much as the next woman. Back at the table, I was relieved to see the red wine was finished. Not for long, though, as the waiter came to serve us two liqueurs on the house.
‘I think maybe I’ve had enough, Elaine.’
‘Oh, come on, Liz. Last one, for old times’ sake. Then we’ll call it a night,’ Elaine insisted. ‘Cheers.’ She raised her glass in a final toast and I did the same.
‘Any family yet?’ Elaine asked.
‘No, that’ll be next on my agenda. Just need to settle down with someone first,’ I replied, smiling ironically. ‘Someone seems hard to find, though. Are you in a relationship?’
Elaine looked at me curiously. I didn’t understand why. ‘Well, yes. It’s been years now. We’re married with two kids. They’re great. Here, I’ve got a photo.’ She rummaged in her bag and pulled out her phone. Flicking through the photo gallery, she finally selected one and handed the phone to me. ‘Aren’t my boys beautiful?’
I found myself staring at the two gorgeous little faces of her sons. Both were the spitting image of Sam. I drew my breath in sharply. Sam, my ex. My soul mate. My one and only true love who had dumped me for someone else. I could hardly breathe and the phone slipped from my limp hand.
‘Hey. Watch it! That’s my phone, for goodness’ sake.’ Elaine picked it up and put it on the table. ‘I’m just going to the loo. I’ll settle the bill on the way back.’
I nodded automatically. She didn’t seem to notice anything as she walked off. Elaine had always been so self-centred, I remembered. I was still reeling from shock. What had I missed? When had I missed it? Had they betrayed me while Sam and I had still been together? I leant back, eyes closed, conjuring up images. Little glances, a brush of the hand, secretive smiles. And they’d both moved down south within weeks of each other. And then, the letter from Sam, full of half-truths and excuses. Not right for each other, better for both of us, time to move on. I had screamed and cried when I got that letter. And I called and wrote. But he was adamant. I even travelled down to confront him in person. That was how I knew there was someone else although he refused to admit it. But there were little tell-tale signs in his flat. I had just never known who she was. Until now.
We left the restaurant together and walked down a small alley in the direction of the closest taxi rank. I hadn’t said a word since I’d seen those photos. Neither had Elaine.
‘Why? How could you? I just don’t understand.’ I stopped abruptly and turned to face her. ‘You were my closest friend. You, of all people, knew how much I loved him.’
‘That was the problem, though. We couldn’t tell you. We never wanted to hurt you, Liz. That’s why we said nothing. You were so possessive. Clingy and insecure. Sam didn’t know how to break things off gently.’ She put her arm around me, comfortingly.
That was the last straw. I snapped. ‘Take your filthy, man-stealing hands off me, you stuck-up bitch,’ I screamed, pushing her away violently. She stumbled backwards and missed her footing, falling heavily to the ground with a loud thud.
‘Liz.’ Elaine groaned, holding her head. ‘Help me up. My head hurts.’
‘It serves you bloody right.’ I stood over her, shouting. ‘Your head hurts does it? You two broke my fucking heart. How much do you think that hurt me?’ I punctuated my sentence with punches. I was beside myself and all I wanted was to make her suffer. As I had.
‘Please, Liz.’ Elaine’s voice was feeble. She held up both hands in front of her face to ward off the blows. ‘I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.’
‘Well maybe you should have thought of that before you ran off with Sam. Maybe you should both have thought of me!’ I ended with a particularly hard punch to Elaine’s chest. She drew a rasping breath and went still. Silence. I was standing over her, fist clenched and raised but stopped in mid-air.
‘Elaine?’ Blood was pooling under her head, soaking her blonde hair. ‘Elaine? Say something.’ I knelt down and grabbed her by the shoulders, shaking her. ‘Come on. What’s wrong with you?’ Her head lolled back. Her open eyes stared lifelessly. Realisation dawned and I leapt back on to my feet. What had I done? I looked up and down the alley. There was nobody about. Nobody to help. Nobody to see.
My head was spinning. I had drunk far too much and now I was in a hell of a mess. I sank down against the wall, looking at Elaine’s body. A phone started ringing, startling me. It was coming from Elaine’s bag. I found it and looked at the photo of the person calling. It was Sam. Of course it was Sam. I threw the phone hard at the opposite wall and the ringing stopped as it smashed. My tears started then. For my frustrated life. For all that should have been, but was not. The harder I sobbed, the sorrier I felt for myself. Finally, all tears spent, I decided I would salvage what I could from a terrible situation. There was nowhere to hide a body in the alley, but I could delay anyone finding out who she was. I checked for a wedding ring and found one. Surprising that I hadn’t noticed it before. There was an inscription inside, from her darling Sam. Now he would understand heartache himself, I thought bitterly. I picked up the pieces of the broken phone and put them in my pocket. Elaine’s bag was trapped under her body so I rolled her over slightly and tugged it out from under her. I would take it home with me for now and decide what to do with it later. After a last thorough check, it seemed I had done all I could to cover my tracks. I set off home on foot. Back in my flat, I collapsed into bed, without even undressing, and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.
The alarm woke me the following morning at the usual time. My first thought was to wonder why my head was throbbing so. Too much to drink. I put my hands up to rub my face and my heart stopped for a moment. I had Elaine’s blood on my hands. Leaping out of bed, I raced to the bathroom and scrubbed my hands until they were sore. I tried to remember the horrible events of the previous night. And then wished I could forget them. Was this who I really was? I examined my face in the mirror. I looked no different yet everything about me had changed. I called in sick that day. And the next. But I had to face other people, not to mention myself, at some point.
So today I forced myself in to work. But things were not going well. Kicked out of the most important meeting of my career, sitting alone trying to eat some lunch and petrified at facing the consequences of my own actions.
‘Liz?’ A quiet voice in my ear. It was the head receptionist. ‘The police are here. They want to speak with you but they wouldn’t say what it’s about.’ She looked concerned. ‘I’ve put them in the small meeting room.’
This was it. Now I was really in trouble.
© 2013 Lesley Price